Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: “I would not
live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were
supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
— Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss U.S.A. contest.

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can’t help but cry.  I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with
all those flies and death and stuff.”
— Mariah Carey, singer

“Smoking kills.  If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for the
Federal Anti-smoking Campaign.

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
— Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky Basketball Forward.

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,”
— Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the
— Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m
just the one to do it,”
— A U.S. congressional candidate in Texas.

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
— Danny Ozark, manager of Philadelphia Phillies

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it.”
—  former U.S. Vice President Al Gore

” It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
— George W. Bush, U.S. President

“I love California.  I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
— former U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
“““! ““

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
— former president of American Motors, Lee Iacocca

“I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version.”
— Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football.  A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein.”
— Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
— former U.S.. President Bill Clinton,

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not! occur.”
— former U.S. Vice President Al Gore

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”
— Keppel Enderbery

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we received
notice that you passed away.  May God bless you. You may reapply if there is
a change in your circumstances.”
— State Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go
to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.  And the next
morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
— Mark S. Fowler, former Federal Communications Commission Chairman

It’s ok to kiss a fool, it’s ok to let a fool kiss you;  but never let a kiss fool you.